Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
