So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
