I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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