I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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