This is not my ceiling
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
