I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
