I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please come you make the beer taste better
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
