She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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