I'd wear matching sweaters with you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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