i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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