I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
