I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
