i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
