If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
