Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
