I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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