I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
