True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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