And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
