when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
