How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
