I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
