I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
