Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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