I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
