what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
