adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
