The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
