He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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