i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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