please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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