Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
