You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
These tits shall not be calmed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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