she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
