I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
