Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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