I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
