What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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