Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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