I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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