420 ftw
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
