I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
