So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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