She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
