Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am one with the molecules
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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