Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize