I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
