So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
