can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
