Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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