I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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