We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
