the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Banned from zoo.
Again?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
