1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
