I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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